Noticed this few days back at the new Big Bazaar outlet on Old Madras Road. There's a gigantic hoarding on the building wall facing the side road. It has a picture of a family looking overjoyed, after a "unique shopping experience" at Big Bazaar. The hoarding reads:
"Complete Satisfaction. What you what, is what we have"
So smart, no? They know what we what !!
I can forgive an astrologer on a roadside platform whose hand painted placard advices you to "Be Heppy, Dont waary. Com hear to Anguri baba, for tottal peas of mind"
But Big Bazaar of Pantaloon Retail, shame on you!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Haan, mere baap ka road hai!
Enigma's Seven Golden Laws of Driving in Bangalore:
The Paradoxical Timer Law: If the timer at the signal says 132 but the light glows green, let that not confuse you. Nothing is wrong. The timer has nothing, repeat, Nothing to do with the signal change. They have installed it for people who cannot count backwards.
The Squeeze Law: If the gap between the sand lorry and the call center van ahead of you = (width of your car) + 4.2 millimetres, go right ahead and squeeze your car between the two vehicles. Grin widely at your achievement, this has saved you approximately 8 microseconds in reaching your desination.
Note: If your rear view mirrors are not already broken, they will break today, but what the heck, we don't use them anyway.
The Signal Law: If the light is red, look around everywhere. If there is no cop in sight, zip through. If the light is orange, you did not see it..zip! If the light is green...oh, how boring!
Law of Preemptive Screaming: Say you overtake another vehicle from the left and realize you might have incurred the wrath of the other driver, lower your windows and scream abuses at the poor soul before he gets a chance to do so.
Beat the Boredom: Stuck in a traffic jam? Never mind - take it in your stride. Cos you can get shopping done while seated in your car!! You can buy earbuds, laundry bags (in flourescent colours..yaay!), plastic moustaches, earbuds, mobile phone covers, washcloths, earbuds, sunglasses,dusters,earbuds... Hey that's almost my entire shopping list for the week!
Find your space Law: If there is slow moving traffic on your side of the road, feel free to use the other side. If there is a barricade (which moron came up with the idea of barricades?) , use the pavement. If it becomes necessary, use the Preemptive Screaming Law on the pedestrians.
Flyover construction Area Law: WHAT?! Don't even think about it...avoid it like the plague!
And get this bumper sticker done in 7 languages: "Yes, it is my father's road!"
The Paradoxical Timer Law: If the timer at the signal says 132 but the light glows green, let that not confuse you. Nothing is wrong. The timer has nothing, repeat, Nothing to do with the signal change. They have installed it for people who cannot count backwards.
The Squeeze Law: If the gap between the sand lorry and the call center van ahead of you = (width of your car) + 4.2 millimetres, go right ahead and squeeze your car between the two vehicles. Grin widely at your achievement, this has saved you approximately 8 microseconds in reaching your desination.
Note: If your rear view mirrors are not already broken, they will break today, but what the heck, we don't use them anyway.
The Signal Law: If the light is red, look around everywhere. If there is no cop in sight, zip through. If the light is orange, you did not see it..zip! If the light is green...oh, how boring!
Law of Preemptive Screaming: Say you overtake another vehicle from the left and realize you might have incurred the wrath of the other driver, lower your windows and scream abuses at the poor soul before he gets a chance to do so.
Beat the Boredom: Stuck in a traffic jam? Never mind - take it in your stride. Cos you can get shopping done while seated in your car!! You can buy earbuds, laundry bags (in flourescent colours..yaay!), plastic moustaches, earbuds, mobile phone covers, washcloths, earbuds, sunglasses,dusters,earbuds... Hey that's almost my entire shopping list for the week!
Find your space Law: If there is slow moving traffic on your side of the road, feel free to use the other side. If there is a barricade (which moron came up with the idea of barricades?) , use the pavement. If it becomes necessary, use the Preemptive Screaming Law on the pedestrians.
Flyover construction Area Law: WHAT?! Don't even think about it...avoid it like the plague!
And get this bumper sticker done in 7 languages: "Yes, it is my father's road!"
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