Enigma's Seven Golden Laws of Driving in Bangalore:
The Paradoxical Timer Law: If the timer at the signal says 132 but the light glows green, let that not confuse you. Nothing is wrong. The timer has nothing, repeat, Nothing to do with the signal change. They have installed it for people who cannot count backwards.
The Squeeze Law: If the gap between the sand lorry and the call center van ahead of you = (width of your car) + 4.2 millimetres, go right ahead and squeeze your car between the two vehicles. Grin widely at your achievement, this has saved you approximately 8 microseconds in reaching your desination.
Note: If your rear view mirrors are not already broken, they will break today, but what the heck, we don't use them anyway.
The Signal Law: If the light is red, look around everywhere. If there is no cop in sight, zip through. If the light is orange, you did not see it..zip! If the light is green...oh, how boring!
Law of Preemptive Screaming: Say you overtake another vehicle from the left and realize you might have incurred the wrath of the other driver, lower your windows and scream abuses at the poor soul before he gets a chance to do so.
Beat the Boredom: Stuck in a traffic jam? Never mind - take it in your stride. Cos you can get shopping done while seated in your car!! You can buy earbuds, laundry bags (in flourescent colours..yaay!), plastic moustaches, earbuds, mobile phone covers, washcloths, earbuds, sunglasses,dusters,earbuds... Hey that's almost my entire shopping list for the week!
Find your space Law: If there is slow moving traffic on your side of the road, feel free to use the other side. If there is a barricade (which moron came up with the idea of barricades?) , use the pavement. If it becomes necessary, use the Preemptive Screaming Law on the pedestrians.
Flyover construction Area Law: WHAT?! Don't even think about it...avoid it like the plague!
And get this bumper sticker done in 7 languages: "Yes, it is my father's road!"
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6 comments:
lol..will watch out for that bumper sticker..
LOL!!.. mere baap ka road hai ye gaadee jo mai chalaa raha hu meri maa dahej me laayee thi...hehe!!
Nice list..will make a bumper sticker of these laws and will stick it on my windshield..:D
errm...something like 'idu nanna appandu roadu?' hmm? ;)
Haa Haa.. Hilarious!!!
I particularly loved the The Squeeze Law and the The Signal Law
Nice idea for a bumper sticker :D
LOL! NICE bumber sticker!
Bout the laws, would like to add one more, tho mebbe this might be Mumbai specific...
The Left Is Right Law: It states that if you wish to get anywhere, you shall stick to the left lane, which is 'supposed' to be the slow lane, and overtake at will.
Cheers!
:-) nice. I would like to give one presupposition to all your laws...
Assume : Bangalore has roads. There fixed it.
Next time onwards... do not fill gas for your car. Install buttresses on all sides of your car so that the car behind can push you at 3 kmph to your destination...
That is the same logic we follow in Chennai in Ranganathan street. We stand and the croud carries us automatically forward.
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